You also share it with those around you.
Here’s a New York Times article, from December 4, 2008:
Strangers May Cheer You Up, Study Says
How happy you are may depend on how happy others are…
What if you could choose the mood of those around you?
The value of being able to choose your mood is that some moods are healthy and helpful, …
You have control over choosing your mood. We all do. Sometimes we exercise that control but, most often, not in a conscious way.
But the fact is, you can choose, what mood you want to be in– and by committing yourself, you succeed in being in the mood you want to be in…. and, you share that mood with others.
(as the label of the “P90X peak recovery formula” says:)
Decide.
Commit.
Succeed.
II.
Decide. Commit. Succeed.
- Decide: Know that it is your decision, whatever mood you’re in. The first step is acknowledging this fact. OK so often it can be pretty unconscious, someone pushes our buttons and BAM we’re frustrated, or infuriated. But taking responsibility is the first step, recognizing that it’s all within yourself to choose your mood.
Practice noticing what mood you’re in. Then, practice changing your mood. This helps you recognize what moods you’re in during the day, and it helps you recognize the power you actually have over your moods. It helps you be flexible. - Then, Commit: Commit to being in the mood you want to be in. Do it consciously. Choose your mood.
Negative Moods- tend to affect our health and our relationships negatively. They raise our blood pressure, our stress levels, our heart rate. They lower our reaction time, our immunity, and our ability to think clearly. They create discord. In other words, they don’t take us where we want to go.
- They also tend to be inflexible. We tend to (on some level) consciously commit to them more readily than good moods, because we feel we need them for protection and justification.
Positive Moods- Are Good Moods, because they feel good, they’re good for us, good for our health and for our relationships.
- But, they also tend to be more flexible. We tend to drift into them, and out of them, mostly unconsciously. And, ironically, we tend to take them for granted. Because they’re flexible by nature, it’s especially important that we practice committing to them.
- We easily slip out of them when we negatively interpret someone else’s actions or speech. Then we want to fix things, and that’s the problem. Our minds get into the game, soon followed by our nerves, chemicals, emotions and actions.
- You Succeed when you notice that your mood has slipped. Then Go back to 1) your original decision to be in a certain mood, and 2) your commitment to be in that mood. Practice, practice, practice: deciding and committing to the mood you want. That is success!
Here’s an example:
I flight attended for 3 years. As the only flight attendant in charge of a plane load of up to 50 passengers a time, sometimes 6 or 7 flights a day, I had plenty of opportunity to experiment. And talk about a control group. I was the only flight attendant, and I had this captive audience strapped in, cheek-to-cheek, for a full hour or two, in a tin can bouncing it way back and forth over the Sierra Nevadas or the Rockies. Each flight was an experiment, in the perfect test-tube.
In training, I had heard horror stories about passengers getting angry and unruly. I did not want that.
So I decided before each flight what mood I wanted to be in… what mood I wanted all my passengers to be in. So I decided on a Happy flight with happy passengers, and I committed myself! And guess what? I succeeded! Virtually everybody leaving my flight was in a great mood. People would shove business cards, job offers, email addresses or phone numbers, even $20. tips, at me as they were leaving the plane. I made so many friends that way.
Sure, there were times when I decided not to be in a Happy mood, to be in another mood, or just to be indifferent, and not do my experiment. And those flights were exhausting. Much more exhausting than if I had just committed to being in a good mood.
Well sure, staying in a good mood takes energy. Committing to anything takes energy. Did you ever notice how when you’re mad, you put so much effort into holding that mood? Well, committing to a good mood also takes energy, just like working to maintain the bad mood, but you get positive support in return. Have you ever noticed that when you’re in a bad mood things just don’t seem to go your way? But when you’re in a good mood, everything flows.
And sure, not everybody wanted to be in a good mood on my flights. There were a couple instances of someone who was dedicated to maintaining a bad mood. But you know what happened? They just resigned themselves to being confused. There was no support for their negative mood. I bet the Grinch who stole X-mas went through a similar process.
III.
If you have a plane full of people, or any group of people, and you are committed to your mood, it’s contagious. It’s like dropping salt into water. The water can’t help but to absorb the salt and you end up with saltwater. The flip side is that your commitment also becomes a force-field that shields you from other people’s moods.
The point is you can make a conscious choice. But your choice, your mood, is never just about you. You are also choosing the mood you will share with those around you. This isn’t to say that you are hooked into controlling the emotions of those around you. Just acknowledge your influence.
Try it, practice it. Decide what mood you want, then Commit to it. Decide, Commit, Succeed, at having the mood you want, and sharing it with others.
